Project Discovery 2019 week 6 & 7: Breakdown

As expected, I have lost my momentum. I always start out strong and when I realise it will get done, I end strong but I struggle with my momentum to keep moving forward in the middle. Case in point, over the last several weeks I haven’t always completed my steps and yoga has really fallen by the wayside. To counter that, we have had a bit of surprising news, but I have to develop my routine so I can build in being healthy in my mind, body and spirit. And I cannot let every unexpected piece of information affect me so much that I change my routines. I am struggling to keep the routine things going and my reading is slowing down too. My television watching is back up and I am back on the clicky phone games again. But, my social media viewing is still down and I am keeping up with my French.

I have picked back up my walking again, which I attribute to having a beautiful nature space nearby to walk on during the weekends and hopefully the evenings as the days are lengthening. And today, we went to a local abandoned Medieval village that we have been saying that we would visit for ages. That was brilliant. It was a good walk and fun way to spend our morning together. And we got up and got out this morning. I always love historic places you can wander up to and walk around inside and touch the history. I love when you can walk in the foot steps of history. It was really nice, until a walking group of like 15-20 people turned up and it just became too busy for me.

But yes, I need to get myself back together and I need to continue my quest to building the life I want. I want to get my reading back on track and I want to get my planning on track for building a different life. I know what I want now after many years in the wilderness and confusion. I guess I feel like I wasted so much time being lost that I want to live the rest of my life in the new way that makes sense to me as soon as possible. And I want to keep reading and I want to feel good in my mind, body and spirit. Patience is not one of my virtues and I want to be there now.

Project Discovery 2019 week 5: views of January

This week has been a struggle, not just at work, but just in life. Last week, during my rambles on the common, a man approached me and started talking to me. He knew my regular walking times and he wanted to know my name. That felt weird and a bit uncomfortable and I must admit, I struggled all week to get my 10,000 steps because of how shaken I was. It highlighted to me just how unfair it is that women must be extra cautious about walking alone in deserted areas to protect themselves against creepers. I also find it shocking that we can get in trouble for defending ourselves from creepers or that the law can do nothing when women feel threatened. I forget sometimes just how crappy it is to be a woman and how much things are stacked against us. But anyway, I struggled with my walking and with going out Friday and Saturday night, I missed yoga on Friday and I felt so rubbish on Saturday that I missed getting 10,000 steps. Today, I still feel a little rubbish and will probably also not get my 10,000 steps. We’ll have to see about the yoga.

I have however, kept up my French and I have been reading and listening to the back log of books, however I have not done very well for the actual reading of books. I will get there though, I am determined. I did also catch up with someone who offered advice on how I can continue to develop my coaching skills which is fantastic. I am looking forward to being able to practice those again. I have also not been able to read the Tao Te Ching, which was disappointing, but I have enough to read. Unfortunately, I have been watching a lot of tv lately. Still, I am 8 books into my 30 new books this year, which is pretty good going.

I have also sketched out the first few chapters of my book I want to write, which feels really positive. I want to keep writing, because I love it, especially when I am feeling inspired. I have learned that I am someone who likes to observe people but am not a big fan of being around people. I struggle to have conversations with people, I think because I do not really have any hobbies. I need to clear my head and I need to figure out who I am and what I love doing. But, I just can’t find something that I am passionate about that I can use to share ideas and thoughts and conversations with people. One thing I have learned about myself is I love being outdoors. If I could figure out how to be outdoors all day, I would be. It clears my head and I prefer it to being inside, even when watching Doctor Who, which I am working through. I am firmly in 1964 in terms of my timelines for watching.

Still, looking forward to this month, I am going to be finishing my Pre-history book, and then my book on Shamanism and one on Container Gardening. I will also be trying out some of the Coaching options that were shared with me, trying to get out to some historic site, and trying out some new recipes. I have discovered my love of simple foods which I am learning to work with in my cooking. I am not a fan of anything elaborate, just simple foods, with good, sturdy outputs. I think I may also focus a little bit on recoveries and what will recharge my batteries. Finding balance is important and there is a risk that ‘self-development’ crusade does not take on too much of a life of its own and not allow me the downtime I require.

Project Discovery 2019 week 3: Definitions

This week has been a bit more clearing of decks. I have worked through a book that was in my audible backlog, The Secret Life of Bletchley Park, and am firmly back to listening to a favourite author, Joseph M. Marshall III’s Keep Going. There is something wonderful about listening to his voice read the story of his people while walking through the woods on the Common. I love it. It sets me a little freer in myself. And the emotion his voice carries sometimes when he is reading is overwhelming. I found myself wiping away tears as I listened to a portion where his voice was cracking under the weight of the emotions he seemed to be feeling. I just love his books. So, the clearing down of the reading or listening to books is going well. I have even started reading another book that I picked up many years ago.

I am doing well with my French practice and I have not missed a day. I am doing well with my yoga as well and on the days when I am not doing Pilates at work and then I am doing 30 minutes at home. I am getting my 10,000 steps every day even on days when it is silly cold out or a bit grotty. I am failing at the photos side of thing in that I am not doing one every day. But, I am liking the ones I do take a lot more than some that I did when I was doing my one picture a day for a year. I am also working through the Doctor Who which is good. We have been watching lots of the Parliament and I have to admit I took this week off actual reading and was watching more television than I would normally like. And I have an ending for Nighthawks, not a great one, but it wraps it up.

The one thing that I am really struggling with is eating only the things I could grow or make myself. I am obsessed with peanut butter cups. I thought after I ran out after Christmas I would move on from them. Sadly, I just kept buying more. I am at least slowing down on my consuming it, but still. I need to refocus on eating vegetables, fruit, and breads, maybe some meat. I need to work on that a little more.

The other thing I am focusing on is figuring out how I want to interact with the world. I am learning that I can’t control how people see me. I can try to react differently and I can try to find peace in a world that I do not understand. I think that my favourite thing that I have read or heard for a long time is this: the past is gone and cannot be changed, but you might be able to make a better future by the decisions you make today. I love that idea. I want to honour that.

Ponderings: Week 2

This week has been a trial for me. I have been left to handle conversations which I should not need to be having. And I am often left to fend for myself at work, which on the surface is fine, but I am new and there is more than meets the eye to a work project. Still, I have been exhausted and not sleeping and I hate that. I have listened to 3 books since the beginning of the year and physically read 2. Yesterday, I did spend all afternoon and into the evening watching Doctor Who. I finished the first two stories and an episode which was the arc between the second story and the next one that is lost. Firstly, I can say that the first episode is brilliant. It was a solid and mysterious introduction to the Doctor and his travelling companions, however, the first story was not so good. I understood that they were starting a new series and they started it with the start of man – clever. But the writing wasn’t the best, especially when you compare it to the next story arc – the first ever introduction to those fiends the daleks. That had brilliant writing and the enemy was developed. Born was a race that would terrify children for many years to come. And the Edge of Destruction was a brilliant piece of script writing with good acting, making a group of unlikely travelling companions weary of each other work together to solve a horrible problem and in the process finding trust. I love Doctor Who in these early years. It screams optimism. Much like Britain it shows how resourceful humans are at problem solving, bringing light to darkness and using science, logic, and reason and teaching a little history on the way. I think the Tom Baker years are where it turns for me.

In terms of my routine, it is going well. I am getting 10,000 steps every day and I am doing my yoga and my French daily. I have moved my story Nighthawks on quite a bit and I am doing more reading, getting through books I have long wanted to read but just could never commit to. But something is missing. I have realised that I do not like my career path, it is fraught and there is too much trying to get people to work together and too many people who want to appear supportive but want to sabotage you. It just is not for me. And while I like my current team a lot, I am not as convinced that I can be myself and have this role as well. I just don’t have the drive needed to keep it going, or maybe I am just worn out and exhausted. Either way, I need a new path for my career. I am in the middle of taking a first step around that now which is contacting someone, always hard and tricky. And I am rubbish at asking for help. But, as I was reminded when listening to Barak Obama’s Dreams from my Father we are responsible for our own fate and if we never try then we have only ourselves to blame.

Clearing out the decks is going well. I am working through the back log of books I had purchased in audible and books I have always meant to read. This has slowed my progress on my mystery books, but hey, you have to start some where and I am starting in pre-history so, that still seems sensible. I read my hygge book hence I spent yesterday eating my favourite pasta dish and watching Doctor Who once I did all my movement things and a few chores. I tried to check out the Tao Te Ching at the local library, but it isn’t available right now. I am taking photos when I remember and I have not been on Facebook or Twitter really so far this month. I am using Facebook messenger and I nearly missed some drinks with friends due to not being on Facebook, but still. And I think I am all the better for it. Wow, I didn’t think I was getting very far at all but when I write it all out like that, I feel like I am doing amazingly well. And as I end this week’s update, I realise that this month is a very inward looking month, and a very solitary one without much interaction with others. Personally, that feels good. It allows me to cleanse my people palate too and decided what I want for my life from my social interactions. How do I want to feel from them and with them? These are aspects of my life I am currently considering and that feels like the right place. And I am grateful for the opportunity to step back, reflect, think and make changes to my life.

Project Discovery 2019 week 1: Soul Fire

Several things have happened this week that made me think about my project. The first one was writing in my daily journal and realising that I have created myself a checklist again. I want to feel better within myself and a checklist will not be the way to do that. Still, some of my efforts have benefits such as long walks on the common that help me clear my mind and I think the yoga is helping me too with my dodgy ankle that needs to be built back up and helping with my sporadic back pain. And I have read the The Little Book of Hygge which I have come to realise is what I am straining for in my own life. I love big sweaters, have spent Christmas in the dark with only candles, my preferred food is the warming type dishes like those the book discusses, and reading with a cup of tea is my heaven. Not sure I can follow all of the recommendations, but I love the idea, the concepts and I want to bring more of it into my life. More golden moments. I desperately want to let go of my competitive edge and get more down with hygge and just living in the moment and enjoying the ride that life offers. But, I think Meik Wiking is right when he says the biggest contributor to Danes being one of the happiest people in the world is that they take some of the anxiety and uncertainty out of life with their well-funded well-fare state.

The other stop and think moment was when my husband sent me an article this weekend about millennial burn out. I have read it all and I saw shadows of myself in it. TL;DR, let me bullet point it for you.

• Millennials are so busy trying to be it all they are exhausted and burned out from working several jobs to make ends meet, trying to eat healthy, live their best life and upload themselves living their best life onto social media.
• We were built this way by how we were groomed in our childhood from parents who wanted us to ‘win the system.’
• We don’t know how to fix the system.
• We are economically worse off than our parents.
• Society expects us to be always available and we feel guilty if we are not working, constantly.
• Even our fun has become checklists and has taken all the fun out of fun.
• We have anxiety all the time about not failing at life.
• We have paralysis around decisions and life because we are so trained to succeed but we just don’t always know how.

This totally clicked with the checklist I have created for myself. Right now, I am clearing the decks and trying hard to read all the books that I have purchased but had not time to read. And let me tell you now that while these are ‘fun reads’, they are not all fun. For example, reading Pre-History:
A Short Introduction is interesting but is draining my brain a little. And Barak Obama’s The Audacity of Hope is depressing me. But, damn it, I bought these books and I WILL read them, because they are in my to do list. I am burned out and just trying to get bits of life done exhausts me. I am frustrated with myself about the speed of which I get things done, I judge myself by my performance at my job, and I struggle to turn off from my job and with being life productive. As I stated many years ago, I don’t even know what I enjoy or what I find fun. I am doing exercise to get more energy. But, I try to ‘win life’ and then fall over.

And finally, I was reading Paul Dolan’s article in the Guardian this morning about how happiness is being so studied at the moment because everyone is miserable and it had similar themes as the Buzzfeed article. I do hate the whole – well try to be happy with less thing. Sure, but here’s the deal, I need financial security and a cushion and let’s face it, that doesn’t exist any more. So, I can strive for happiness now, while working myself to death. Helpful. I do agree with Dolan on the whole social media thing and I am hoping that with time I can wean myself off all forms, but this blog – which no one reads anyway, and find some happiness in some simplicity.

With both articles, what fascinates me and also with listening to The Audacity of Hope, is that no one is really willing to work on or suggest an answer to the current condition. They acknowledge that millennials are killing themselves, working themselves to death and suffering nervous breakdowns but no one cares enough to fix it or even propose an answer or at least an idea. Maybe Obama will but the start of his book wasn’t promising on this score. He said he was going to cover topics only partially which suggests to me that no words of wisdom will come only more pointing at the problem.

With all of this, where does that actually leave me? My wish for this project is that it helps me live in the moment and find joy each day. I want it to help me find fun and I want it help me enjoy my life, even in all the uncertainty that the world is and I am currently facing. I want to find ways to rest my weary brain, my body, and my soul. I can’t get any more time in a day but I want my days to be a mix of the things I have to do, like work, but also I want to find some joy and some things that I can bring into each day that set my soul on fire. I want my soul to be on fire. And I am left with questions like, do I really love writing and photography or do I love the idea of a life where I could do them professionally because they would buy me freedom from the rat race? As I sit here writing though, I realise that I do love it. But maybe I like social commentary and memoir more than I like fiction? Either way, I am hoping that cleansing my palate a bit I can begin to hear the messages of my inner self and listen to the ideas that are circulating around me and begin to make sense of myself in this confusing world.

2018 Reflections, part 2

Today I had two minor victories. I finished a book I didn’t think I would finish before the year is out and I finished the philosophy book I was reading Zhuangzi: The Essential Writings by Zhuangzi translated by Brook Ziporyn. How annoying wordpress won’t let me actually link from the book title because of italics. Anyway, I struggle with philosophy and if you have read anything I wrote before, then you may remember I thought from one quote I struck gold with Zhuangzi. Finally, someone who could make the world make sense to me. Well, it didn’t work out quite that way. But, I think it taught me one thing, philosophy is like everything in life. You have to be in the right frame of mind to ‘get it’. Sometimes, a phrase, idea or concept will strike you and you will really hear it because of where you are in life right at that moment. Sometimes, it will not. And that is okay. You seek out what you need for where you are in life and no two paths are exactly the same. So, you find the one that works for you in the moment. All feelings, emotions and reactions are ephemeral and your reading/philosophical practices should be the same to match where you are at when you are there. Now, anyone who may be reading this may think, well, duh, but this was a big aha moment for me. Also, what can I say, you are smarter then me if you got there a lot sooner or a lot younger.

Secondly, another thing I am very proud of is how much more well-read I am than I thought I was. So, audible (which is probably one of the great loves of my life) sent me an overview – a year in review if you like, about what I have read this year. First and foremost, I read 68 books this year!!! To be fair, many of those were re-reads, but because I am a slow physical reader, I always try to read or listen to 30 new books a year. When I listen to them, apparently I do better than I think! That really floored me.

Thirdly, I am really proud of ‘clearing my decks’ so to speak. It means tomorrow I can cleanse my palate a bit before 2019. I can take the day to reflect on what I have done and where I want to go next. This is a good thing, because I had a big plan for what I wanted to do next year and I am already re-thinking it. I cobbled it together after thinking ‘oh no, what am I going to do next year – quick, get a plan together’. Instead, I am going to take tomorrow to refocus and adjust my plan to fit where I feel I am now and what I feel I want to do. I think it is going to focus not just on restoring and recooperation, but include some fun ideas as well as working to my larger goal a bit more tangibly. These are my initial thoughts, but I will take tomorrow (while not at work) to consider them and work on them a little.

When I reflect on 2018, it won’t be one of the great or horrible years of my life. It will just be a year, but with some momentous personal switches in my brain. I have my confidence back after a few years where it was at rock bottom. Secondly, I have a little bit of purpose back as well. What a win! Thirdly, I think I have a great grasp of my values again now. And finally, while it feels as if there is a significant amount of chaos in the world right now, I feel like I have a few things to look forward to, which feels amazing given how I felt a mere 12 months ago. So, roll on 2019. I am ready for you.

Looking back and looking forward – 2018 reflections part 1

As 2018 draws to a close, I am reflecting back on the year that I have had. Re-reading some of the posts makes me think that this year was a year of self-discovery. I think I realised that my job or, more importantly, my feelings about my job caused me a large amount of anxiety. I was in a toxic situation and I needed to get out. Thankfully, I was thrown a lifeline and I took it. It saved me. Re-reading my diary reminded me of how I felt like a failure at everything but since joining a new environment, I have been made to feel like I am good at what I do, valued and like I have a lot to offer the organisation and the world. It feels like a major win. A lesson for me in the future, if an environment feels toxic to you, don’t languish, get out now. You are worth more than what you think you are at that moment.

Secondly, banishing shoulds was a major revelation in my life. By taking expectations off myself, I grew more and learned more about myself. I had a few really good honest moments and realised that I was more than a list of skills or hobbies or interests. I have depths and strengths including being strong enough to hang on in a very toxic atmosphere where I was not appreciated.

Thirdly, I have learned that I cannot just follow someone else’s approach or even an adjusted version of it for me. This means all those ‘being successful’ books about other people’s routines or the self-help books are a pile of trash, at least for me. I need to go out there and do the work myself. I can’t let someone else tell me how to live. I need to live my own life in my own way. I am the heroine of my own life so I damn well better act like it. No one else will be. I need to be myself and be honest with myself and the world. I am a much more honest version of myself these days and it is being appreciated and recognised. This may be because I have changed environments or it just may be a universal truth. That is for next year to find out.

Fourthly, you can like people, but they may not be the people that you need in life. Sometimes some of the people in your life need you more than you may need them. An example is I realised when someone was less of an active part of my life, I needed them less than they needed me, or more specifically, they needed me to need them. When their influence was removed from my life, I realised how much better I was when I didn’t have to feel like I needed them all the time. Horrible thought I know, but it is one that sits with me.

Fifthly, I really hate the whole ‘live your best life’ and ‘fear of missing out (FOMO)’ thing. Look, you are living your life. You aren’t missing out on anything. If you want to do something, do it. Living your best life, well, that’s just the selfish people’s way of saying they aren’t going to give a shit about anyone else’s feelings. I am all about living honestly, but if I hurt someone’s feelings while doing that, it affects me. It always has and always will. It’s different than the whole living your best life thing. At least to me it is.

A little Saturnalia or Winter Solstice Spirit

Christmas preparations are wrapping up which always makes me happy.  I can then just enjoy the season.  I am in full Festivus spirit, watching television Christmas specials and Christmas films, I have the candles out and I have a tree that smells delicious with fairy lights in it.  Why do I love Christmas?  Probably because in this country it is is Christmas and Thanksgiving rolled into one.  It’s about time with family and friends.  I think I love it because it is the Christianisation of a pagan holiday designed to drive away the darkness in the darkest part of the year, remember the light and the eternalness of nature with evergreens and a prayer to the universe for the Spring rebirth and I love all of that.  I am addicted to the magic that surrounds the season, when the long nights begin to turn into some brighter days.  I am spending most of my evenings surrounded by darkness, candle lights, and fairy lights most evenings at the moment.  The smells around the house with trees, scented candles, yummy warming food, and soon a bit of baking will be mixed in there.  These are the smell of autumn that rolls into the soft crispness that is winter.  I’m not particularly a winter fan, but I am all in favour of being bundled up and snuggle down with films, books, and wine or a hot drink of some sort.  That is what I want to be my heaven, although it is usually films more than books.  Stillness isn’t a natural state for me but laziness is.  And no, I don’t know how to explain that any better.

Still, there is something beautiful about chasing away the dark nights and celebrating the return of the sun with lights on trees and dark rooms lit only by candles.  Small, solitary lights in a sea of darkness.  It feels warm to me and cozy and a little bit delicious.  I do like when the nights draw in.  I love the wild winds that beat against the house, desperate to try to get in and get me.   I love the smell of log fires and hot cocoa and fuzzy socks.  I love how in the UK the world is frantically busy and then all of the sudden, it all goes quiet, it slows down and for 2 full days no one has anywhere to be or anything else to do but eat, and spend time with those they love.  

So no, I don’t really do religion or the religious side of Christmas.  And when people say things like ‘the reason for the season’ referring to Christ, it drives me a little crazy.  I mean, the original reason for the season was to drive out the dark with light and to remember, even in the cold frigid depths of winter, the world would renew again.  And it was also a time of celebration and food and fun.  That is the holiday I celebrate.  

Festivus

The Christmas season is upon us and for the first time in a number of years, I am very much in the Christmas spirit.  Well, I say Christmas, festive might be better given I would not really call myself a Christian.  I am more spiritual than anything, but a big fan of celebrating the return of the sun and the coming rebirth of nature in the form of Spring.  But either way, I am in the spirit of the season.  This year, I don’t have a chocolate advent calendar but I am watching lots of Christmas films and TV Christmas Specials.  For the first time in many years, I am enjoying the run up to the holidays.  I am not really sure why.  The world feels big and scary and very uncertain at the moment.   It feels like no where is really safe at the moment, but that I am just waking up from a deep sleep.  I feel like I am not necessarily re-finding myself but discovering who I am for the first time in a number of years.  Its like a baby discovering their feet and fingers for the first time.  I feel like I am finding my own depths and my own strengths after thinking that I did not have any.  

So, I guess this season where we celebrate rebirth of the sun and the everlasting green is my chance to reflect on who and what I am now.  Celebrate how far I have come this year and test my strengths.  But, also I think because things feel so scary in the world at the moment so I also think I am celebrating surviving this year.  I am spending money in ways that I would not normally, like I think there might be no tomorrow.  If I want something, I am just getting it for myself.  I’m eating out more and I am living in and enjoying the moment.  I am also accepting that I am an introvert.  I do love being around people, but I also love being on my own.  I love walking on the Common and I love writing and reading.  I am struggling with arguing about the big stuff because I cannot even control the small stuff.  

Life feels like we are trying so hard to fit everything in.  I still have a million things I want to do and I feel like I am wasting my time by focusing on the small and not saving for the big.  But I won’t be able to retire and I won’t be able to travel to all the places I  want to see.  And I am struggling to make an impact on the world.  When I was young, I thought I was special, but what I am beginning to realise is that we have to make ourselves special.  I wasted a big portion of my life watching tv and films and hanging out.  I didn’t learn everything I should have because I had no patience.  I wanted to be good at everything immediately.   If I would have just worked harder, I would have been everything I wanted to be if I would have just worked harder.  But, what’s done is done and all I can do is build a better me now and figure out what kind of impression I want to leave behind and then figuring out how to achieve it.  And perhaps that is next year’s life task. 

Is outsourcing parts of your life really wrong?

So, go with me on this one for a minute.  If you are like me, outsourcing parts of your life is something people with money do.  They have personal assistants to run their errands, cleaners, gardeners, maybe even cooks or drivers, I don’t know, I’m not rich and I never will be.  But, one thing my family did years ago was outsource Thanksgiving.  And by outsourcing I mean everyone chipping in some cash to purchase the majority of our Thanksgiving meal from a favourite local restaurant who realised that many people loved Thanksgiving, but hated getting up at 5am to cook a turkey, didn’t have enough oven space for all the sides and it all just ended in fights over who did more work.  My family loved Thanksgiving, getting together, eating, doing a puzzle, having a nap, watching football and playing a board game with their pie and half a pound of cool whip.  We loved going shopping together the next day, shooting each other with toy Star Wars guns in the aisles of Target, going to a film, eating the leftovers, and sharing our best finds from the sales.  We just hated the stress of actually cooking the whole meal (see not enough ovens comment).   So, we outsourced the cooking.   And by we, I mean my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles as I was young when this new tradition started.  

What does this have to do with anything you may ask?  Well, since moving to the UK, I have outsourced most of my Thanksgiving (not that it is celebrated here, but I still love the sentiment of  being grateful for the things I have) to people who enjoy the whole cooking a huge meal for others thing, all I needed to do was show up with a dish or two and eat.   This year, I am having two Thanksgivings, both mostly outsourced.  We are heading to London, as I hate working Thanksgiving, where we will meet a friend who works in a school.  The friend rents out the school’s home economics area (rather cheaply I think) to make the tasty food and does everything for it.  I don’t have to lift a finger, just show up.  Apparently, they love doing it.  So, more power to them and pass the potatoes please.  

My other great discovery this weekend is that a friend of mine absolutely loves wrapping presents for Christmas.  Freaking loves it.  At which point, I half jokingly said, feel free to wrap my presents then too.  She told me I was on.  Well, that’s one monotonous chore offloaded then to someone who genuinely finds it fun.  And as my husband is the gift whisperer (a mutual friend coined this name),  that’s mostly the things I find annoying about Christmas sorted as well.  Except putting up the Christmas tree, any takers?  In my head is a little voice telling me that I am taking advantage of people, but why?  Why, if they offered, would I be taking advantage of them?  If people like doing it, or in the case of my family’s Thanksgiving, will be doing it for someone anyway, why not let them have the pleasure?  As long as it is fun for them, or again in the case of Thanksgiving we are paying them and they are okay with that.  I mean, through audible I outsource my reading and through Netflix I outsource changing the dvd, so why not these other things?  

I think so many of us struggle with thinking we should do everything but we are all working so many hours and commuting and just trying to keep our heads above water.  My feeling is, if someone loves doing something and it makes them feel good, or gets them in the Christmas spirit, then awesome.  We all need to do things that make us happy.  If these friends ever wanted to stop cooking our UK Thanksgiving meal, I’d say cool, let’s just go out together to celebrate Thanksgiving.  If my friend felt all the wrapping was too much, I’d say cool, I’ll do it or it just won’t get done.  And if it doesn’t get done, does it really matter in the big scheme of things?  No.  I’m living my life by this philosophy as we speak.  I don’t feel the need to do any cleaning, well then the house isn’t spotless and who really cares?  More importantly if a person does care about that and not my sanity, do I really want them in my life? 
Probably not.  My house isn’t filthy, but there’s more dust around than some may prefer.    It’s like so many other things in my life where, even if I think I should like it, if I don’t, I let go of the need to do it.  

Another great example of this (besides housework which I hope we all give up if we don’t have the mental stamina to handle it) is philosophy.  I heard a phrase (which I think I mentioned on here) written by Zhuangzi.  I immediately went out and bought his book.  Who knows why because reading it reminded me why I hate philosophy.  It is dense as fuck (sorry, not sorry for swearing).  I mean it takes simple concepts and instead of giving you these pearls of wisdom in nice, bite-sized portions, it twists and contorts it, looks at it in 5 different ways and then drops the point leaving you thinking, yeah, but what do you actually mean?  What was the point of the last 20 pages?  I should like philosophy.  I am someone who thinks deeply (read overthinks), but I don’t.  Life is hard enough without someone else trying to overthink it for me thanks.  And life is hard enough without letting others help you out a bit, especially if it is their bag.  So why not let them?