After last week I was full of ideas of not planning. I was going to take life as it came. But instead, it is like someone turned on the light and I have found what I really want to work towards. I also failed at bravery this week, which was a disappointment, but hey ho. In my heart, the not brave decision was the better one and I stand by it. What’s a girl to do? And, I am making some lists, but these lists are about baby steps towards the life I really want. I spent a lot of time listening to myself last weekend and this week. In my heart I have always wanted one particular lifestyle but it is one that I was told I had too much potential for. So, I changed what I wanted to fit this and I have spent a large amount of my time being unhappy. So, I am now working out how I could get the life I wanted since I was about 18, in the next 5 years. They say (who ever they are) to live a life you do not want a vacation from. I’m going for it. We only have one life and I have wasted a ton of mine trying for things I should want or things that would please others. Now I am going for the life I want.
This is going to sound silly and it feels silly to me, but here it is. I was watching an episode of Househunters the other day and there was a woman on there who had the life I really wanted including a part of it I didn’t even realise I wanted. I had nibbled around the edges of it, but did not realise that it was a thing you could actually be. So, now I am investigating this additional part to see if I can be that. I am excited and scared. I think what I really want to do, I should have started when I was much younger and that scares me. Let this be a lesson to all you 18 year olds out there, if you know your own truth and it isn’t something bad or illegal, just hard, go for it anyway, even if it is hard work. Even if no one else understands what you want or why you want it. Nothing in life is guaranteed and you need to spend it living the way you want, the way that makes you happy.
First things first though, I need to study up on how to achieve it. This will involve reading blogs, books and articles and listening to podcasts. This is a dipping my toe in the water exercise where I can see how feasible my dream really is. At the moment, I am finishing a coaching course assignment. Once that is completed, then I can begin my research. Interestingly, coaching could fit in nicely to my overarching plans. I hope it does because I really enjoy helping others find their own truths about themselves. But my first year is going to be all about the research. I want to know that my plans are solid and sound and then I will begin build a road map.
What has lifted my blinders? Ironically, the decision to change my job. It made me realise just how much of my own destiny is in my own hands and I can change it if I only try. Nothing is so lost and so hopeless. It made me look forward to the future to some extent rather than just living in the past. I have been more productive this weekend than any weekend in the past 2 years. I was so consumed with stress in my current job that I couldn’t see the wood for the trees. I can now see what I want and my determination and drive are back. I’ve missed them. I can’t wait to take back my life.