Posted in Discovery Project: March

March Lessons: Self-reflection on how I struggle with having fun

To round out this month, I have bought new plants at the garden centre and planted them.  My back pain can attest to that.  I have been horseback riding again, of course.  And we went to the cinema to see a film where I got ice cream to eat.  I jammed a lot into the last two days but I still missed out some of my goals.  But, now to get on with what I learned over the course of March.

I learned a lot this month – probably more than the other 2 put together.  This month was supposed to be about having fun.  It turns out, I truly suck at having fun.  Self-reflection I am awesome at, but fun, nope. Turns out, I really struggle with both what I find fun and actually having fun. So my many, many lessons from this month include:

  1. Sarcastic doesn’t always equal fun.
  2. Confusing who I want to be and who I actually am. I really want to be one with nature but I can’t seem to make the effort to get out in nature.  I suspect I may only think I like nature but I still prefer urban environments.
  3. I love a good story – true, made-up, or folklore.  I love storytelling.  I love it from an anthropological sense.
  4. I really don’t even know what kind of a job I would love to do.  What job would I love?
  5. What are my hobbies?  What do I find fun?
  6. What drives me? What do I truly love? About myself or to do with myself?
  7. Risks can be big or small.
  8. Urban exploring is fun with people.
  9. Being spontaneous is hard when you really know your own mind.
  10. Best laid plans – I am still too over optimistic with my time.
  11. As much as I seem to like the idea of relaxing days, I seem happier when I am on the go, go, go.
  12. I like to feel unique and not just one of many.
  13. Horseback riding has become very important to me in a short amount of time.
  14. My imp of the perverse is stirring up people’s pretensions and I love it.
  15. I have to be in the right mood/mindset to appreciate small things.
  16. Going with the flow is sometimes the best for feeling good.
  17. Does the activity really matter as long as it clears the head?
  18. What if I can’t be a writer?  What if I am a bad writer?
  19. I like reading.  Who knew?

Some of these are more questions than realisations but I am still working on this stuff.  That’s what this year is all about.  And I didn’t get my hiking done, or a day on the Moors. I need to figure out what to do about that.

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